Bonjour Fellas !
IM ELI! :) MY BLOG MY SAY.2013
that's what i deem the worst feeling in the world. i dunno what the hell is wrong with me. i've been crying myself to sleep every single night. i tried to think of things in so many different ways, try to find a way out of this deep shit i got myself in. i tried to stop myself from crying, tried to stop myself from the pain, yet it comes back every single time, adding another degree of pain. i'm so tired of crying. i told myself to stop, yet tears just fall uncontrollably at each memory. it gets so painful sometimes that i just want to fall into a deep sleep and never wake up. i'm crying too much, yet there's no one here to dry my tears, no one here to truly understand and share my pain. the negativity is manifesting so badly inside of me that it's eating up my soul. what's worse is that i have to put up my cheerful facade to face the world so no one will judge me. because it became so hard to explain something i'm so unsure of too.
i couldn't find anywhere else to write this, and so i'm regurgitating it here again. this space was suppose to be a happy space, yet it turned into one hell lot of negative thoughts and abandoned feelings. i doubt anyone still reads this. but i really need to say it. you know how sad it feels when you're surrounded by people and yet you still feel alone? yeah this is how i feel like everyday.
family makes me feel more insignificant everyday. i'll always be useless. always be that burden that should not be born.
i found myself unable to turn to anyone. because i found i was losing them. or in this case losing one person that meant alot to me. along the way, i lost you. never knew it would feel so painful losing someone so close to your heart, someone i love and care. loving not in the "i like like you" kinda way but loving in the "best friend" kinda way. guessed i've became an overly attached friend. it's painful seeing how each and everyday, we drift further apart. i just want a day to just sit down and talk to you. to just know what's going on in your life. i dun wanna be hi bye friends. not with you. but just know that, i for sure, will still always be here for you. no matter what. i will always support whatever you do 100%. and i miss you.
guess i'm not trying hard enough to make this work and sustain anything. i feel like dying. very very much right now.
