Bonjour Fellas !
IM ELI! :) MY BLOG MY SAY.
Stress and Imperfection
totally forgot to blog about this. but i finally have a guy partner! *APPLAUSE* hahahaha. yes. if only it came earlier. it's actually really hard to go from being a leader to a lady. it's like from being the one that holds the frame, turn the girl, doing the simpler steps to the one that is led by another and doing the more complex steps. i have so much to improve on and like when i look at myself in the mirror and i see a piece of crap dancing. i look like shit. can't do anything properly, i look like a duck dancing. what teacher melvin said was right. i really have so much to improve on. trying so hard to be gentle and flowy with my steps. but yet i cant do a simple fan twist. so demoralised. every session, i just feel like i'm marking through my steps, there's no pause, no emphasis in any steps. i'm like rushing through everything. i look at seniors and the grace that they portray when they dance. i tell myself, " if i had just half of their skill i'll be contented"
i think i always feel so crappy when i look in the mirror is maybe because i have too high expectations of myself. it's like i know i can do it, but my body and mind are just not coordinating together ;/ i'm trying to improve and yet i feel so stagnant. can look at myself and *face palm* -.-". then sometimes i get so demoralised that i feel like i'm just not cut out being a lady. but then this was what i wanted so long, and i keep telling myself that i'm not gonna quit now. this is not me. i'm not a quitter.
today i felt the worst. my foot was aching, my back was aching, wasn't feeling at my 100% at all. then when we did mock comp, it was so messy. i couldn't even keep up with the music and i'm just like brushing through each and every step. technique wasn't there, performance level was 0%. hate it when i'm like that. idk, maybe it's a bad habit? but i need to perfect it, if not i'll feel so stupid that i can't do such a simple thing. it's good that i dun give up. but idk, i just feel so shitty that i look so stupid when i dance. i feel like i'm pulling my partner down. cus Sean has good technique and i can't even get the timing right. sigh, what am i doing wrong? :( so much to improve on. dun like this feeling of unaccomplishment
and i really do hope that my back injury doesn't come back now. all the stunts involves me going back. and like i'm not really that flexi to begin with, and i dun wanna hurt it again. if not it will become permanent and that would be even worse. *prays hard*
sigh, i really want to see myself improve by next week. it's going to be hard but i'm willing to train. i'm going to go through each and every step and see where i can be sharper and add in performance value. no more slacking. gotta push myself harder. gotta keep faith. and believe in myself. AND I NEED TO STOP LEADING *SLAPS SELF*
hahaha, after these few weeks of happenings, i realised, that i'm actually quite independent. i think it's good that i dun feel that need to rely on someone to do things. think the only time i feel weak is when i get put down by my own family, or when i think of my dad. think that's the only time when i feel the need to share my "pain" with someone. am so glad that i have my awesome dance peeps and my friends there when i need them :) hahahah, being so random. just popped out in my mind so i shall just type.
oh yes, been saying this countless of times. but i still can't help but say it. I can't stand people lying to me. it's not nice being at the receiving end of the lie, and to find out later that it was all a facade. yeah. random #2. oh and i can't wait to meet Rachie Chia Jie Wei this hols!!! so long since i last saw him! miss my "sister" so much! hahaha. miss those long talks that we have over lunch with shao wei and Ian! can't wait for a meet up!
kays. shall end here.
gonna keep my head high
stay positive
believe
that i'm able to achieve more than i can now
keep faith
i can improve. and i will improve.
stay strong.
i chose this. and i will stick through it
BELIEVE
OLDER POST / NEWER POST
Stress and Imperfection
totally forgot to blog about this. but i finally have a guy partner! *APPLAUSE* hahahaha. yes. if only it came earlier. it's actually really hard to go from being a leader to a lady. it's like from being the one that holds the frame, turn the girl, doing the simpler steps to the one that is led by another and doing the more complex steps. i have so much to improve on and like when i look at myself in the mirror and i see a piece of crap dancing. i look like shit. can't do anything properly, i look like a duck dancing. what teacher melvin said was right. i really have so much to improve on. trying so hard to be gentle and flowy with my steps. but yet i cant do a simple fan twist. so demoralised. every session, i just feel like i'm marking through my steps, there's no pause, no emphasis in any steps. i'm like rushing through everything. i look at seniors and the grace that they portray when they dance. i tell myself, " if i had just half of their skill i'll be contented"
i think i always feel so crappy when i look in the mirror is maybe because i have too high expectations of myself. it's like i know i can do it, but my body and mind are just not coordinating together ;/ i'm trying to improve and yet i feel so stagnant. can look at myself and *face palm* -.-". then sometimes i get so demoralised that i feel like i'm just not cut out being a lady. but then this was what i wanted so long, and i keep telling myself that i'm not gonna quit now. this is not me. i'm not a quitter.
today i felt the worst. my foot was aching, my back was aching, wasn't feeling at my 100% at all. then when we did mock comp, it was so messy. i couldn't even keep up with the music and i'm just like brushing through each and every step. technique wasn't there, performance level was 0%. hate it when i'm like that. idk, maybe it's a bad habit? but i need to perfect it, if not i'll feel so stupid that i can't do such a simple thing. it's good that i dun give up. but idk, i just feel so shitty that i look so stupid when i dance. i feel like i'm pulling my partner down. cus Sean has good technique and i can't even get the timing right. sigh, what am i doing wrong? :( so much to improve on. dun like this feeling of unaccomplishment
and i really do hope that my back injury doesn't come back now. all the stunts involves me going back. and like i'm not really that flexi to begin with, and i dun wanna hurt it again. if not it will become permanent and that would be even worse. *prays hard*
sigh, i really want to see myself improve by next week. it's going to be hard but i'm willing to train. i'm going to go through each and every step and see where i can be sharper and add in performance value. no more slacking. gotta push myself harder. gotta keep faith. and believe in myself. AND I NEED TO STOP LEADING *SLAPS SELF*
hahaha, after these few weeks of happenings, i realised, that i'm actually quite independent. i think it's good that i dun feel that need to rely on someone to do things. think the only time i feel weak is when i get put down by my own family, or when i think of my dad. think that's the only time when i feel the need to share my "pain" with someone. am so glad that i have my awesome dance peeps and my friends there when i need them :) hahahah, being so random. just popped out in my mind so i shall just type.
oh yes, been saying this countless of times. but i still can't help but say it. I can't stand people lying to me. it's not nice being at the receiving end of the lie, and to find out later that it was all a facade. yeah. random #2. oh and i can't wait to meet Rachie Chia Jie Wei this hols!!! so long since i last saw him! miss my "sister" so much! hahaha. miss those long talks that we have over lunch with shao wei and Ian! can't wait for a meet up!
kays. shall end here.
gonna keep my head high
stay positive
believe
that i'm able to achieve more than i can now
keep faith
i can improve. and i will improve.
stay strong.
i chose this. and i will stick through it
BELIEVE
OLDER POSTS / NEWER POSTS
