this is me, for the past few days. i'm hurting so much right now.everything felt like a dream

i'm so tired of just taking in all this shit this past few weeks. i'm so sick and tired of this. so sick and tired of feeling so fucking unappreciated, sick and tired of always having to cry myself to sleep because ican't voice my problems . so sick and tired of feeling like a worm, like i'm worthless and just a freaking plastic bag taking up unnecessary space. i'm tired of crying, tired of feeling so fragile and insecure. who am i kidding? all those times saying that i don't need anyone in my life. i need someone to reassure me that everything will be fine, to hug me and tell me that everything will be okay, and that he will be there no matter what. who am i kidding? when you go through shit, no one actually gives a fucking damn about it. i'm so tired of waiting, so tired of bluffing myself, so tired of trying to entertain myself with thoughts that maybe i meant something to someone, that someone will actually in the end love me for me, to hold me tight and tell me that even when everyone gives you shit, i'll be there to make it alright. yeah right, and then i look at myself, who am i trying to kid. i'm not even close to pretty, what made me think that anyone will look at me.

can't believe how much i'm crying right now. just typing all of this here. i bottled it up for too long. sometimes, i wonder, if i died today, will anyone care? i'm too tired, i really am. i can't hold back my tears anymore.

where's this girl with the wide smile? all i know is, she's long gone.