IM ELI! :) MY BLOG MY SAY.

i am feeling so angry inside
and sad at the same time.
you know wad??
i am in the wrong.
i am sorry for making you feel shitty
i am sorry for making you unhappy.
i am sorry for not being there
i am sorry that i changed
i am sorry that for making you cry.
though i didn't keep secrets.
i am sorry for making you feel wad you feel now.
i am sorry that you feel this way.
for you to feel that i don't care.
but actually i do.
and you meant so much to me.
i had never met anyone like you.
i am sorry. just sorry.
i always wanted to be there.
always wanted to be someone that makes you feel happy.
but maybe i'm not.
maybe i dun have that right to be.
i always told myself that i can't go on the wrong road.
but maybe i did.
my feelings can never be told to others
it is not th same as to telling you.
for months i have been bottling.
till i feel that i am about to go crazy.
and maybe sometimes on the verge of dying.
wanted someone to talk to.
but no one was there.
everyone would ask me why why and why.
but i just can't tell them what i really feel.
so i always had to tell them some other story.
cus it wasn't the same as to talking to you.
you are different.
i always trusted you with all my secrets.
and it's so fun to get to share them with you.
to share the laughter peace and joy.
i really love those moments
to just cherish that moment itself
you're the best i can ever ask for.
you will always be there.
telling them to someone else just feels wrong.
i am like having a gazillion things to tell you.
but always hadn't got a chance to.
and to you two,
i am glad you're happy now.
because of you two,
my life sucks more than ever.
i cry every single night; maybe it was foolish but yeah.
cus i didn't want my life to get like this.
i love telling you everything.
i dun ever wish to end our relationship.
everytime i did something,
i always thought of you.
i wanted so much to do all these stuff with you.
my life isn't perfect without you.
i love you, i trust you, i miss you.
i was really afraid of this to happen.
and yet it did.
i dun want this to end.
i really cared bout this relationship
i honestly do.
i will give everything to maintain it.
maybe i am not th person that you once noe.
because of all these unhappy stuff.
and th bloody fuckers
you are never extra but part of my life.
i am so sorry that i am such a letdown.
i wish i can just disappear now.
and not hurting you anymore.
i've became such a monster
i wish i can just like get knocked down by a car.
or get smash by a bulldozer.
and end my darn life once and for all.
cus hurting you is wad i never wish to do.
can someone just stab me in th back and let me just die?
i dun want to be the huai ren anymore.
if ending my life would make you happy,
then i rather die now.
cus all i want is for you to be happy.
i want to change.
i dun want to hurt you.
i dun want to do anything that will make you feel anymore depressed.
being with others is never the same.
you mean so much to me.
and so much.
i am trying to change.
if i dun succeed, that just shows wad a freak am i.
you mean alot.
iloveyou.
i wish to die now.

to somebody whom i truly care and love.
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